Two Lunch Boxes

… and so it begins, my morning routine of making up two lunch boxes for Poppy and James in a rush to get out the door for work.  I made my ‘Mumback‘ on Tuesday after a year’s maternity leave and it has been an interesting week to say the least.

I thought it would be easier the second time around but apparently not!  Tears welled in my eyes as I said goodbye to our little James and even though the pragmatic part of my brain knows he will be extremely well looked after at his childcare, I had such an overwhelming feeling of sadness and guilt.

I felt awkward in my work clothes, too dressed up and clumsy.  I felt nervous waiting for my bus and hoped I had the right money.  It felt familiar walking into my work building again, yet strangely foreign.  So much has happened since leaving last June with a big belly – we have welcomed a little boy into our family after a very stressful birth.  I have watched him grow at home surrounded by family, other mother’s, their babies and our friends.  My perspective on life has changed – we now have two children!

I received a warm welcome from my colleagues and after an exchange of pleasantries I couldn’t remember my password on my computer.  I wasn’t as quick with navigating my way around our system and had to ask for help on several occasions.

By mid afternoon I was grabbing for my breast pump and making a beeline for the first aid room!  Ah the joys of a breast-feeding, emotional mother returning to work.

I couldn’t get out the door quick enough to pick up James and the little fella didn’t even look up when I said ‘Hi’!  Hmmmmpppfff!  He had a wonderful day and loved playing with all the new toys.  When I got home I kept kissing him on the back of his soft little neck and just burst into tears.  Oh dear – I know it will get better but this has been a tough week.

To top it off his sleeping has regressed for the last three nights.  Instead of his 7pm – 7am slumber he decided to start crying at 4am for an hour or so!  ZZZzzzzzz.  X