Separation Anxiety

Poppy has been going to child care for Tuesday afternoons for the past several months. This was a tough decision, but due to the long waiting lists that exist to get into centres in Hobart, Nick and I thought it would give Poppy a ‘foot in the door’ for next year when I return to work. 

It has been an interesting experience, to say the least.  The first time I left her, I called Nick in tears, and I couldn’t get back to her quick enough.  The second time, the same thing happened, as did the third, fourth and fifth time! 

I would wake up on Tuesday’s and feel anxious about the impending afternoon and time away from Poppy.  I know all mother’s experience this feeling, but I just couldn’t shake the fact that this centre didn’t feel quite right.  I couldn’t ascertain if it was just me feeling anxious about leaving her, or in fact the centre?  All my friends said I should listen to my gut feeling and if it didn’t feel right, I should act on it.  I kept persevering but to no avail…that same feeling of dread would sweep over me.  

I had Poppy’s name on other wait lists.  The good news is, she has been accepted into another centre which is very close to home.  We went for our orientation visit last Thursday and holy moly – it is amazing.  This centre felt bright, cheery and positive.  The staff were incredibly engaging with us and the most important thing to me – it just felt right! 

I would not enjoy going back to work if I wasn’t completely comfortable with where Poppy was.  Nick is very relieved too – I was like clockwork, ringing him at ten past two every Tuesday, distressed. 

I guess this whole experience has conjured up many questions for me: “Will child care have detrimental affects on Poppy?”; “Will she be nurtured?”; “Will she blossom in that environment?” and so on.  I will return to work for three days in February and I justify to myself that at least I will spend more days with her than she is in child care! 

Part of me is looking forward to getting back into the workforce – to use my brain again, to have exposure to more people and to earn money.  The other part is not looking forward to it at all – I have been so lucky to have had this year with Poppy and to physically nurture her from birth.